Here are some helpful sayings I use to keep me sane (although a lot of people would disagree with that).
1. Always yell at someone when they are not there and not when they are there. You won't be interrupted, you won't have to answer any of their questions, and there won't be any hard feelings on their part when you are through.
2. Anyone who sticks their neck out should expect to have their head handed to them.
3. No good deed goes unpunished. (an oldie but goodie)
4. Being very smart is very difficult to explain to people who are not.
5. Where's the box everyone is supposed to be in? I can't find mine.
6. Don't kill yourself. It's not worth giving your enemies the satisfaction.
7. People who are paid a lot are not necessarily worth more. They only think they are.
8. Cats are better company than people. A lot of you already knew that.
9. Yelling at someone who isn't there (see #1 above) will only give you a sore throat and not hurt them at all.
10. Anyone who takes this list seriously (no snide replies), is all screwed up.