By Tom Cushing
2012: The Year in VerseUploaded: Jan 3, 2013
-- with apologies all around.
'Tis more or less New Year's, and all 'round the 'Ville,
You will now be subjected to bad dogger-el.
The year just completed we'll stumble on through,
and add some predictions for 2-13, too.
The year began well, with the end of one war,
That left us to guess what the other one's for.
The GOP started a long conversation,
'Bout which of their folks would soon faze the nation.
I-O-wa was coated with Santorum frost,
That soon was replaced with the pizzaman's sauce.
His sexual antics and Newt's cost them traction,
What is it 'bout pols that makes them crave action? *
Then straight outta Texas Rick Perry would show,
He'd kill his chance faster than a man on death row.
Finally, at the end of his long five-year mission,
Mitt Romney sent the rest of them boys on home fishin'.
Once champion of choice and of health care for all,
He now answered the "severest conservative" call.
Mitt's makeover worked, though he bore several scars,
And he once strapped his dog to the roof of his car.
Mitt took off for England, hoped to visit its Queen,
But to get him home safe, we had to send-in Marines. +
While, back in the west, there arose quite a clatter,
Of many a pitch, baffling many a batter.
In a near-empty ballpark, our Athletics dear.
Led by Cool Hand Bob Melvin, forgot 12's not their year.
They scrambled, and hustled and pied with abandon.
None was a star; about half were named Brandon.
On, Coco! Now, Reddick! Yoennis, and Inge!
Milone, Jarrod, AJ all pitched on a binge.
They topped Angels and Rangers, and near beat them all!
And practically made fans forget Moneyball!"
Meantime, on the other side o' the Bay,
The Giants did -- something -- don't recall it; can't say.
In business, Jobs dominated th'economy,
Some slow to return -- one, we'll not again see.
Banksters and crooks all earned their share of ink,
Money-laund'ring, rate-rigging and insiders link,
Though fines in the $Billions may seem quite sensational
They're really 'just business;' we need jail terms durational.
Our Hot Mama's Nature would not be denied,
She let loose tornados, and droughts and high tides.
Then in October, when the Jersey shore left,
Prez and Guv were sudden, Mutt-n-Jeff, BFFs.
After she's wrought all this sad misery,
Does anyone still think: Conspiracy?
The campaigns began; Mitt could not avoid goofs.
'47 percent' joined the dog on the roof.
But that first debate saw the President crater,
And made ol' Clint look like a prognosticator
From there to the wire the polls made it tight
Only baseball's Nate Silver got the numbers quite right.
Forged as he was in a crucible's fire --
Only hardball debates exceed politics' ire.
And on to December, the kids' month so magic,
Then suddenly, fatefully, finally tragic.
When will the burden, to prevent repetition,
Shift to those who claim gun rights come without conditions?
Now the New Year's upon us -- what does it portend?
Congress will deliver rancor sans end.
The 'cliff' was avoided, the dread 'ceiling' looms
If a real crisis happens, it's over -- we're doomed.
The House now has three Parties: Dems, Reps and Teas,
And the Speaker controls fewer votes than Pelosi's.
Seems all sides will give immigration a gander,
Caramba! A new bloc to which they can pander.
But Prez promised gun law, and Biden concurs,
That may set-off more duels than Hamilton-Burr.
And in Cali, the Dems' super-majori-ty,
Risks tumbling us into the fiscal red sea.
Guv. Brown must become the frugal apostate
All the while healing that balky old prostate. (so sorry -- it's late.)
So 2-Oh-1-3 looks like a bumpy ride,
At least more bad po'try you'll not have to abide,
But one last reminder, lest we forget --
Buy those Spay/Neuter plates -- and adopt your next pet! http://www.caspayplate.com/main.php
* But, but ... CLINTON! And JFK! FDR! So noted. Nixon?
+ Poetic license, but just a little.