Original post made
on Nov 8, 2008
I miss her, in cant get over her. I feel like shit on top of everyone making fun of me, I can remember the last thing i said to her.
"Your a bitch, leave me alone." these were my last words to the girl i thought i loved. This is what i think about every day. and people don't understand what i have been through because ever since what happened i changed schools. Now when people make fun of me I...I... think of suicide and they just don't know what happened in my life.
My eighth grade girlfriend, i loved her but she didn't know it. She probably thought that I was just some 7th grader with a little crush. Well after we broke up she got a new boyfriend and on the day of the memorial I found out the horrible truth from my friend Andrew..."dude now might not be the time to tell you but she never liked you..."
I was devsitated when this truth came out into reality. This made me cry for the first time
in the memorial. I had promised myself that i wouldn't cry during this memorial. But then after my dad played this song over and over by the Heroin Diaries, called The Girl With Golden Eyes. This made me just brake down and blubber.
When I first got to school on Monday February 11, 2008 this girl named Mckenna came up to me and told me the news, and well... she lies alot so i didn't know wether or not to believe her. But when I found out it was true I was so angry I punched the wall and broke two of my knuckles.
This was the small price to pay for her life.....I....We miss you,
R.I.P. Devon Rachel Marvin. love you
... love Dakota Andrew Arroyos
Ever since that day, I haven't gone a day without thinking about her. Not ever. Something during the day, always leads me to thinking about her, and missing her. Even now, there are nights where I feel like, she is the only person I could have talked too, and she isn't here. I met her in second grade, when she moved here. We attracted like magnets, and became best friends, instantly. We paired up with the girl in our class, who cried when her mom left her in the classroom. Because, devon was that girl who picked people up and made them feel better. Devon couldn't hurt a fly. She was, no doubt, the sweetest girl I have ever met. But, she knew when to stand up for what she believed in.
People have always said that the mind remembers everything, and before this, I never believed it. but now I do. I'm constantly remembering things, we did together even the smallest things. I go over the day we went to San Fransisco over and over again in my head. I can remember what she ordered for lunch that day. I still remember the day, we were on her family's boat and the water glittered as we moved, and she looked at me and told me, "It's like they are taking photos of us." And, ever since, whenever I see that slight glimmer from water, she comes into my mind.
Devon, I wish I would have called more. I wish I could have visted more. I miss you, so.. much. And, I love you. You were my best friend, and no one, has ever been able to fill your spot. And, no one ever will. You were special.
I live in Redmond, Washington and I knew Devon in the sixth grade at Emily Dickinson. Every Day, I remember playing with her at recess; different games of "animals" and she would comfort me when I felt sad. Unfortunately, I moved to a different school about half an hour away and Devon moved to California... we lost touch.
My friend, Holly, had just come back from a sixth month, around the world trip, and we all went over to our friends house to surprise her with a 'welcome back!' party around august, 2008. Courtney, holly, I, and countless other girls had been friends with Devon as I had been. I decided to stay the night for a sleep over and we sat on Courtney's bed while looking at old year books. I stopped at the picture of Devon. I still remember that picture: she was smiling; her thin hair went slightly over her shoulders, such an innocent face… so wonderful. I pointed her face out and went, "I remember her! We used to play together until she moved! Do you guys know where she is now?"
I will never forget the looks on there faces as they stared at me; such sadness. I could see memories flying by in there eyes. Hurt, shocked, and disbelief was what I felt when they told me, 'she committed suicide in February.' We were all silent.
These words are still numbly stuck to my brain like sap. I couldn't believe it at first. I kept thinking, 'their mistaken. Surly such a sweet, loving girl wouldn't do such a thing?'
"How..?" I croaked.
Courtney looked down and said, "She hung herself in her bedroom."
The entire night I thought about this. I even cried while they were both asleep. When I got back home I asked about it and my dads eyes also saddened while telling me. I couldn't believe they were able to keep this from me for so long. I secretly researched her name.
Devon Rachel Marvin. Devon Rachel Marvin. I used to say these words with happiness, now there filled with broken hearts and sadness. A secret was kept from me for all this time. I have heard of suicide, but never felt it. It is so hard to describe when you lose someone you love because they no longer wanted to be here.
'How could she?' I don't know. 'Why would she?' I don't know.
Devon was loved by so many. Devon brought joy to everyone she met. Now she has taken all of that away. My mom says suicide is selfish. I can't believe that anymore because I don't remember Devon being selfish.
I don't even remember saying goodbye.
But I do remember her laugh and smiles.
I miss you, Devon Rachel Marvin.
I didn't know Devon very well, I think that's what made it so difficult to comprehend. She was someone who I had met a few months prior to that, she seemed sweet, likeable, funny, so when I went to school that day and found out that it was she, Devon, who had killed herself...I was in shock. "Is there another Devon in 8th grade?" I asked my friend, she just stared and said "I don't think so." In all of my classes there was someone tearing up or crying, and that made me think: Devon's death was a rude awakening. I looked around each class, if Devon would want to do something as severe as this: whose to say he wouldn't or she wouldnt? It was like finding out that a neighbor who you didn't know very well died, it hits you hard because you realize that people can be here one day and gone the next. No one ever expected to lose Devon because everyone thought of her as someone who would always be there...someone who would always be on the Earth. I can only imagine what it would be like to lose someone this way who you were close with, but I know that the reason I felt so sad when I found out the news was this: It was a sickening realization that if Devon, a genuinely nice person, could do such a thing: anyone could.
Devon...I went to lahonda band camp with the girl.
She was my roommate and we became best friends in an instant.
If only I knew...if only I could've done something.
Me, Katie, Devon and others hung out for the best 9 days in the year. We all looked forward to it, and it was my first year. She was one of the first people I met and we instantly clicked. Devon was that type of girl, and I loved her as much as I love my sister.
The moment I found out I stopped breathing, fell to the ground and started screaming/crying. I seriously couldn't believe that that happened to one of my best friends. I only knew Devon a few days, but that doesn't matter. I still miss her like hell and I would do anything to bring that girl back for a day, an hour a minute, anything. Just to see her face again I would do it. I miss Devon Rachel Marvin so much, it almost kills me.
I'll never forget her, who she was, or what type of friend she was for me. I formed a friendship with her that was so strong that I think about her everyday, no matter what. :(
Today... April 1, 1009. i miss her, we all miss her, and theres nothing we could've done. Today would've been her B-Day. All i think about is her and suicide. its stuck in my head. but heres a poem i wrote to let out some steam..
Life for me has just begun
I wake up, I go to school
I act a fool.
Tryin to be one of the guys,
No matter how hard I try,
Ima try until I die,
That word in my head,
My future is dead,
Ima die when im twenty five,
Don't know which way is up,
I turn around,
look in the mirror,
But I wana feel like this battle is one.
So in that case life for me has just begun…
i miss you Devon and I will see you soon.
heres another one enjoy...
Death is watching me,
Peoples words are consuming me,
My veins hurt with no remorse,
And nothing gets better,
It only gets worse.
The voice in my head,
My soul is dead.
I need to think about what I want in life,
Do I even want life,
That voice says death,
But my heart says take a breath.
My mind says coward,
But my body says soak it away with your power.
Look at the world as half full,
But I look at it as half empty,
And for that I am the fool.
But I need to look things over,
Before its all over.
I am turning it around,
Im looking at the ground.
Trying to silence that voice in my head,
That says im already dead.
Im picking myself up off the ground,
But I still feel like a dog stuck in a pound.
I feel caged up,
But its time for me to look up,
And stop lookin down…
i love you
When Devon Rachel Marvin lived in Washingon state, and went to Emily Dickinson Elementary in Redmond. She was a good friend of mine in 4th grade. In 8th grade I had heard she had died. I thought it was a rumor and moved on. Today, looking for pictures for my 9th grade graduation in my 3rd grade yearbook. I found Devon's picture. I remembered what I had heard. I looked it up on the internet and found this website. I was shocked. I couldn't believe this adorable sweet little girl that I had known, and gone to her 10th birthday party-had died..over a year ago and I had not known. I didn't think it was the same Devon. I looked in my 4th grade yearbook, she was there, and my 5th-she wasn't. That was the year this girl moved from Washington. I then knew it was her. I sat there dumbfounded and for the next few minutes tried to find the student directory saying her parents names. I gave up. I looked up her name again and found this. I know a few of the girls that have already posted and then I found out it was a suicide. Devon--I'm so so so sorry it took me this long to find out. You were an amazing girl and so sweet and full of confidence and energy. Rest in peace.
RIP: DEVON MARVIN
By the way... is says that she is survived by her "sister" Mitchell. Mitchell was her brother.
I recently saw the movie Race to Nowhere where they feature Devon's story and her family. If the family ever reads this, please know we are working as teachers to make school a place where children succeed, but more importantly are content with being who they are and loving life. You have inspired lots of people. Be strong and know we stand with you.
I am so saddened to hear of Devon's huge loss and of all that loved her and that she touched. I just saw the movie Race To Nowhere. I had to find out more about her. I had the same problem with Algebra. I was a good student, got good grades and finished my Bachelor's and Master's (went all the way through college Calculus) and Alegbra 1, in high school was my hardest class ever. I pulled through after hours of crying and trauma, help from my parents and their friends. I wish I could have been there for Devon.
I have also been told, long ago, by my aunt, who years later divorced my uncle, the same thing, that suicide is selfish. I totally disagree with this! !!!
To all those that say suicide is selfish, I say this. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Blessings and prayers be with you always!
I just saw "Race to Nowhere." Dakota - with all due respect, it sounds as if you would benefit from some counseling or therapy. I believe God may one day use you in a mighty way to help the schools in America to be places where students can thrive with the God-given gifts and talents He gives them and not places of torture for the younger generation. Dakota, I sense your pain...don't be afraid to ask for help. You can start with your parents and school administration. Take care and God bless you Dakota!
I just saw "Race to Nowhere" Praying for the children of today. I learned from the panel last night that humans don't have executive functioning skills till brain develops in the early 20s - coping with amount of stress as adults is not going to happen. Let's get the system changed.
I am a 6th grade student at Diablo Vista Middle, and have often passed by the little memorial on the stage for school concerts. I play the Alto Saxophone, and have wondered who Devon Marvin was. Now I know. My sister is a student at Monte Vista High School, and knows Devon's brother, Mitchell, pretty well. When I asked my mom and sister about this, they avoided talking about it. But this cannot be avoided. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of deaths in 15-24 year olds. My mom saw "Race to Nowhere", and did not talk about it very much. She thinks the subject of suicide should be avoided as much as possible. It shouldn't.
Tomorrow is the fourth anniversary, and its hard to believe that it's been so long. I met Devon at Band Camp and we became close. She was always the person you could trust and love. Its was so easy to fall in love with her. I think a lot of people loved and were in love with her. She was just that kind of a person.
I've always made my mourning rather private. I would help other friends to make them feel better, and I've never really wanted to be a burden on anyone else but I think of her everyday. It's hard. I feel an emptiness inside of me but I think that some part of my heart will always be hers.
I don't think I'm ready even now to talk about it much. Some part of me is still apathetic and won't let go. I don't think I ever want to. But I'll be graduating this year and what happens next year? I won't be around all of these other people who loved her and new her and I just don't want to be alone. Even though I may be private, I know I'm surrounded by people who loved and knew her.
I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that after finding this and reading these comments, I feel less alone. Time doesnt wash away this kind of pain, but to share it with others who loved her makes it easier. So thank you, and although tomorrow will no doubt be hard on everyone, let's celebrate Devon for the fantastic person she was, adn continue to support each other.
When fall starts to roll around I always think of sweet Devon and her family. Devon was so sweet -- she loved pickles, Mitchel., Amanda and her parents. It's been years but her too early departure still stings our hearts. What a delightful and special child to have touched so many. Rest in peace sweet girl.