By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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What is now Silicon Valley was originally known as The Valley of Heart's Delight for its concentration of orchards, flowering trees, and plants. Until the 1960s it was the largest fruit production region in the world. Picture that . . . imagine the scent . . .
When I came here as a child in 1969, downtown Palo Alto rolled up at 5 o'clock; it was quiet. My family lived on Channing in a gray Victorian near the old PA Med. My siblings and I ran around barefoot, mostly unsupervised. We had a rescued Keeshond named Love.
I want to encourage you to make your relationship your heart's delight, and your home your haven. There are many things pulling us in multiple directions. What if we didn't complain about our husband or wife? What if we thought, felt, and said kind things about and to him or her? What if we asked directly for help, or a change in behavior? What if we worked on our relationship as though we were working an orchard? Planting, weeding, watering; tending, trimming, and harvesting the luscious fruit, year after year. Yes, it is work.
Perhaps the path to The Valley of Heart's Delight is this: behave in loving and lovable ways. And while we're doing that, let's not keep score of how loving and lovable s/he is or isn't being.