By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Waiting on the Edge of Death
Uploaded: Jan 29, 2015
All week I've been trying to write for you, readers. Instead I find myself pacing around, waiting, knowing these are the last few days of Mom's life. I went to see her yesterday, and she did not know who I was, even though she knew on Saturday. I sat on the bed next to her and read Mary Oliver poems to her, as she had asked for when she was still in her right mind.
I am seeing clients (and that's good focused time on them and their issues), researching the brain and couples topics, writing in my journal, reading, talking to friends and family, hospice, the caregiver agency, working out in the pool, paying bills, being with my dog and cat . . . and waiting.
My husband and I are spending quality time together, talking about Mom, and also about other topics, such as the books we're reading, children, taking walks, getting in the hot tub.
We are keenly aware that sometime we will be in this waiting while one or the other of us is on our death bed. We want to make the most of each moment. It is bittersweet.
My brothers-in-law are here. We eat, we talk, we support each other. Their wives are coming soon. Mom's partner is steadfast and sad.
Mom's father came to guide her a few nights ago: she woke up and called, "Papa, hi!" and later waved her arms in a Japanese dance style. I am comforted knowing her Papa who adored her is there with her.
What is it worth to you?
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