By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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My husband and I went away after mom's memorial service, to heal, regroup, and grieve, and to celebrate life. We went to the Big Island of Hawaii, and all of our hosts gave us the gifts that express who they are in their essence.
Our first hosts in Captain Cook live on a coffee and fruit farm. They shared the local snorkel spots with us, had dinner with us one night as the moon was rising, and gave us fruit -- mango, papaya, macadamia nuts, coffee they had grown and roasted. One afternoon while I read a novel in the cool, darker room, my husband went with the owner to learn how coffee is processed. When they came back, my husband had a pound of Kona coffee that he had shucked and roasted himself. A gift in many ways.
Our second host lives out in the lava where the road was wiped out in 1990 at the bottom of Chain of Craters road. The wind roared and whipped, sounding like waves, although the ocean is a mile or more away. Our lodging was simple and a sacred space, full of images of Pele, the goddess of lava, Buddhas, Mother Mary, and more. Jade's gift was a gong sound healing. We sat and meditated with her leading, sang mantras, and did a call to help the recently passed loved ones in their journey, whatever that is. I sang and sounded with tears running down my face. Next, Jade had us lie down, and began playing the gong, up and down the range of sound, until the whole room and my whole body was vibrating. When she stopped my chest felt cleared out and still vibrating.
Our third hosts welcomed us to a paradise within paradise, beautiful gardens and grounds, waterfalls, with champagne and passion fruit cake, good company, laughter, and sacred spaces and crystals everywhere. There is a labyrinth of red cinders, white stones marking the path. A drumming ceremony topping of these gifts.
Each of us has a gift to bring to our beloved, and to the world, and no one else has that exact gift. It's worth finding out what it is and letting it free.