By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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I really miss mom. I find myself talking to her sometimes; telling her how much I love her. I've been planting a succulent garden and growing tomatoes. I know she would be glad as she always offered to help me with gardening. So I find myself enjoying it just a bit more, thinking of the satisfaction it would bring to her, too.
My grief has been surprising to me. I thought I would cry a lot (as I have with previous deaths). But I haven't. Maybe because this is uncomplicated grief: I love her, she loves me. Period. No unfinished business. Nothing left unsaid
Grief can show up in many ways besides emotional outpouring. I've become absent-minded (this is a form of grief I've had before). I had to use the "find my phone "function, only to discover it was on the charger after I had searched everywhere. If something is not written in my calendar, it's not happening ? and I sometimes still miss it. It's rather distressing, as I'm usually organized, efficient, and on top of things.
The one place I am completely "on track" is with my clients. Everything else falls away, and I am completely focused and present with them. It feels good to be in the healing, therapeutic mode with others.
I miss mom, I am kind to myself about being absent-minded, and recognize my grief and humanity in this part of my own journey, and I give my undivided attention to my clients in the room.
Mom would be proud of me.