By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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It seems that some women can get pregnant so easily (maybe even when they didn’t want to be), sail through the months, and have a nice, healthy baby. I am so grateful that happens for many women.
Other women have a very difficult time even getting pregnant, and spend a few years and many thousands of dollars to do so. And for other women, even after all of those efforts, they still do not get pregnant.
Still other women (myself included) are able to get pregnant, but are not able to keep the pregnancy. Miscarriage is very common. Yet as I have written about before it is a hidden grief.
There are several good resources
in addition to Resolve
, The National Infertility Association.
I came across a very good publication
, Miscarriage: The Hidden Loss, from Resolve. It covers everything from:
• Common Causes of Miscarriage
• Symptoms of a Miscarriage
• The Miscarriage
• Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
• Questions to Ask if You Have Had Several Miscarriages
• Questions to Ask About Immunologic Therapy for Miscarriage
• The Emotional Aspects of Miscarriage
• Coping With Pregnancy Loss
• Suggested Readings
If you are having trouble communicating with your partner about your miscarriage, this would be a good piece for both of you to read. If you need more help, seek counseling.
Here are The 5 Do’s and Don’ts for Surviving Miscarriage
. A miscarriage can make a relationship stronger
, as Tina Donvito wrote for Fit Pregnancy, as long as it’s handled well.
Whatever you do, please don’t be alone with your pain. You may not want to “burden” someone else, but if the tables were turned, you would support your friend and feel honored she trusted you enough to open up.