By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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. . . while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
- Lao Tzu
I absolutely love this quote because it’s true, and gets to the heart of the matter in so few words.
You need both strength and courage in life. You need them individually, and as a couple. You need them with your kids, at work, and for all the curveballs coming your way (because that’s how life is).
Loving deeply may be attractive to you, or it may feel vulnerable. Being loved deeply may feel even more vulnerable—letting someone that close! S/he may see you—amazing, warts, and all. Maybe you don’t feel vulnerable at all when it comes to love.
Being seen and known and loved is what we all crave. The brain is wired for that. Unfortunately, the brain is also wired for “war” so you have to put your best foot forward—every day—to use the love part of the brain and let the war part fade into the background.
The war part of the brain is in the limbic, or emotionally triggered, second brain that evolved. And that trigger happens in 1/200th of a second! The choice to act on love and not war is in the cortical, or thinking, part of the third brain that evolved.
So loving deeply gives you the strength to be a better, more loving partner—the best you can be. And being loved deeply by your partner gives you courage to be vulnerable with him/her, and to allow that love in more fully every day. It’s a never-ending cycle that leads to more and more love.
Sounds good, huh?