Note: I didn't really intend two consecutive song parodies, but Sue was playing Oldies yesterday, and the Union Gap's ode to pedophilia came on the box. Well, I took it for a sign (it just Had to be), one verse led to another (as they sometimes do), and so without apology to Mr. Puckett or his lyricist (yuck), I give you the following:
Young Girl, or The Roy Moore Story
Young girl, get into my car,
I’ve got a full tank of gas – we’ll go far.
I’ve got a bad yen,
Right here in Gadsden.
You're not yet armed like a woman,
And only halfway through your youth.
You don’t learn at the hop, to tell me “Stop!”
Or call a cop,
In the End Times – just who will care if it’s the truth?
Young girl, please do what I say,
You realize that I’m the D.A.,
I know you’re jail bait,
But I’m in a mad state.
You sell that perfume and wait tables,
With those teenagers at the Mall.
And though I’m banned from there,
Don’t be a square, we're quite the pair.
I signed your yearbook, after all.
Young girl, won’t you be my toy,
Someday they may call me ‘Senator Roy’,
It’s just our se-cret,
(You’ll deeply re-gret.)
I’ll get you home to your mama,
I promised her I’d take you there.
It’s lucky we reside,
In the land, of the Crimson Tide -
Someday I’ll be bigger than The Bear.
Young girl, I’m a predator crook,
There’s no Commandment, I took a look.
It’s a loophole, girl,
Hay’s for a roll, girl!
BTW, Mr. Doug Jones is still accepting contributions to his GOTV campaign. The election is Tuesday.