By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Jen Elmquist, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist has written a book called Relationship Reset
. It’s one of the best relationship books I’ve read, and if you follow it, you can reset your marriage. Of course I hope you have been following Couple’s Net
all along and use it to reset your relationship each week.
Jen teaches you how to think like a couple therapist, to see the cycles, patterns, styles and lessons in relationships. She then goes on to show you how to be the change in your relationship (not waiting for the other person to do it—although of course you want them to).
She calls them Mind Benders and they are:
Stopping the train
A loving observer
The small big things
Becoming more critical
Relational accounting 101
Clean slate protocol
Next come what Jen refers to as things that create a strong connection, the Muscle Builders:
The epic kiss
Can you hear me?
Let’s get it on
Say a little prayer for me
Getting the whole picture
Keep it interesting
What about you?
The research project
One of the last things Jen shares is a relationship reset pledge which is essentially a constitution for your marriage, which Dr. Stan Tatkin calls a Social Contract.
Whether your marriage is in good shape now or not, I recommend you read and implement Relationship Reset
—as I’ve said before, life throws curve balls and the better prepared for them you are, the better your marriage will be for the long haul—and wasn’t that your plan when you said, “I do” with love in your heart and stars in your eyes?