By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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. . . stating what you have to offer and give in your relationship. Don't make it dependent on what you are getting, either. (Later you can write another personal ad "seeking" what you want and need from your partner.)
As I started thinking about writing this particular post, I decided to look on Craigslist to see a sample of ads. One was from a married man, seeking appreciation, attention, and sex from another married person: "I'm not valued at home and neither are you" was the essence of his post. I want you to find this within your marriage; not to seek outside the bonds and commitments you've made.
What do you have to offer along the lines of helping your partner feel valued by you? You can't make anyone feel anything; it is your responsibility to feel and act valuable. Yet your partner can surely help. How do you show appreciation, attention, and sexual desire to your partner?
Please remember that small acts of giving add up. Giving big things matter, too. But an expensive gift might not mean much when you don't feel valued and loved in the everyday small things.
On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate yourself today on your giving in your relationship? What number would you like it to be?
Lastly, have fun writing your personal ad: think about when you were most intimate, most cherished, most playful together.