It’s good to be you, because everyone else is already taken! The world needs YOU, as you are (and yes, of course all of us have things to learn and growth to do. Yet that needs to be done in keeping with who you are.)
Being you with kindness and integrity covers most of the bases for ensuring that you’re a “good” person, no matter what music you drum to.
There’s a lot of pressure to conform. It comes from yourself and from society.
- From yourself, much of it comes from your family of origin (FOO), the people you grew up with. Pressure to conform comes from your teachers, coaches, mentors and bosses. Of course they were all taught by their FOO, who were taught by their own FOOs and societal “norms” of the places and times they grew up in.
- From society, pressure to conform comes through all types of media and organizations. Marilyn Monroe was a bombshell in the 1950 and early 1960s! She was not stick thin. Nowadays, girls under age 10 are worried about their weight.
- Organizations run the gamut from religious, to corporate, political and youth groups. Each one has their own norms.
It can be scary and vulnerable to figure out who YOU are, especially to be “different” from your peers.
Be yourself, not who you think your partner wants you to be. And not who you think you have to be for a partner. Both women and men fall into these conundrums.
It takes time and energy to figure out who you are. What did you love doing as a kid? There’s likely personal gold to be mined there. What subjects did you love in school and higher education? If you weren’t focused on making money (which most of us need to do), what would you do? What was the first gut reaction you had to that question? At times, what we do to earn money, and what we love to do aren’t the same. When that’s the case, in what other areas of your life can you bring yourself out? Can you switch careers?
My friend and colleague, Bobbi Emel et al, created and taught a tool called Core Gifts. I am so glad I learned from Bobbi. It's a powerful process that gets to the core of your life--what you're here to do. When you face decisions, and if they are in line with your Core Gift, go for it. If not, think and feel long and hard about it. Reach out to me or Bobbi if you’d like to do Core Gifts.
For many people, being yourself gets easier as you get older. You worry less about what others think. You’re more comfortable with yourself.
Most of all, make a commitment to yourself to be yourself. Do what you need to in the process of figuring it out. Be transparent to the people in your life when you decide to go on this journey. That means you tell them what you’re up to; self-discovery. You never know, it may inspire someone else to learn more about her/himself.
I encourage all of you to do this now. Don’t wait till you’re older.