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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Any Expiration Date for Sex? Nope.

Uploaded: Jul 8, 2023
Most people are squeamish when it comes to thinking about their parents having sex, let alone grandparents. I’m happy to report that the conclusion is that sex is a lifelong opportunity.

“Poor sexual functioning and disagreements with a partner about initiating and/or feeling obligated to have sex were associated with greater concerns about and dissatisfaction with overall sex life. Levels of sexual activity decline with increasing age, although a sizable minority of men and women remain sexually active until the eighth and ninth decades of life.” According to a 2015 UK national research study, the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing (ELSA).

Poorer health was associated with lower levels of sexual activity and a higher prevalence of problems with sexual functioning, particularly among men. Difficulties most frequently reported by sexually active women related to becoming sexually aroused (32 %) and achieving orgasm (27 %), while for men it was erectile function (39 %).”

Not surprisingly, women say they value intimacy more than performance. That doesn’t seem to change much over the decades. As I’ve written about before, one of the few gender-distinct issues I see repeatedly is that women (of all ages) want to feel emotionally connected in order to have sex, while for men having sex helps them feel more emotionally connected.

How to bridge that gap? Make ‘bids for connection’ throughout the day. That way foreplay is a follow on to existing emotional connection, and may help women and men be able to shift from doing everything a busy life requires of them to slowing down and engaging in mutually satisfactory sex.

How do you make bids for connection?
What is it worth to you?


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